You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
