So drunk its hurt
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
