When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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