I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
