her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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