He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
