just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
