I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
