The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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