you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
