The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
