i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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