I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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