Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
