If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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