just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
