i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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