I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
