im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
