community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
