i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fuck appropriateness.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
