I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
