U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
