I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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