it's like iHOP with fire
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
