I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
