I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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