Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
