at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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