The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
