anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've blown a few things in my day
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
