I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
