there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
