well most of my day revolves around power hour
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
