Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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