I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
