Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
