when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sober January is a disaster.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
