do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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