it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
