Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
