wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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