Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
