Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
