Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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