All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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