So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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