I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
