Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What drink are we having for lunch?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
