i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
