sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
