Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
