It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
